Are You Just Glad To See Me Or Is That a Banana In Your Pocket?

Like many, we never tire of these fake review memes at Amazon for odd or just plain plain products.  This one's for --you know you need one--a banana slicer.  
One review opens:

For decades I have been trying to come up with an ideal way to slice a banana. "Use a knife!" they say. Well...my parole officer won't allow me to be around knives. "Shoot it with a gun!" Background check...HELLO! I had to resort to carefully attempt to slice those bananas with my bare hands. 99.9% of the time, I would get so frustrated that I just ended up...